Skylines and Skylights

This is How I Pick Up Dates (or not) on OKCupid

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 02:16:00 -0400

200 yards, nice. I got a hole in one once playing miniature golf once.

We don’t have the highest percentages on OKCupid, but that Cupid guy can take one of his arrows and shove it up his @$$. Right, ok so if that comment turned you off, fair enough, but it was just a joke. I mean, imagine if I got in a fight with the OKCupid guy and I told him to shove an arrow up his @$$. It would suck because in retaliation he’d shove the arrow up my @$$ and then my @$$ would then be love struck and it’d be on a quest to search for true love with other @$$’s.

Okay, sorry if you are offended by getting a message with the world’s worst joke, but I’d thought to keep things fresh, cause I hear the guys on this site can be really sleazy and gross. I’m not that. I never swear in conversation, it was just I had to for this joke. Please forgive me.

If you don’t write back, I understand. This is not a conventional message, and you might think I’m drunk or like super weird. I’m just trying to have fun with OKCupid, cause these messages can be so boring and redundant. You probably get lots of messages and I hope mine catches your eye cause you seem really great. If you don’t have an interest in me that’s fine, again I understand, just at least write back to say whether my joke offended you or not. Cause that’s the last thing I want to have happen.

You have a very pretty smile. I hope that’s not creepy or weird or too fast of a compliment, but how can I not mention it? If I don’t mention it now I’d have to during the first time when we meet, if we meet (I hope we do), and that would be the most awkward first date ever to just say out of the blue, “YOU HAVE A PRETTY SMILE!” Cause then you’d be super conscious of smiling in front of me and your face would be buried in your coffee cup and the strangers in the coffee shop would be so confused as to why you are hiding your beautiful smile. They’d say to themselves, “Well if a woman is hiding a beautiful smile like that, what does that say about my smile??” And then they would all wrap their faces in scarves and have to sip their coffee out of straws.

Speaking of coffee, want to get some? Yes, this is the first message of our online experience together and you may feel I’m ignoring the online dating etiquette, but I feel if we just start messaging each other back and forth, we won’t have anything left to talk about when we meet.

Hope to hear from you! Don’t worry, I would never allow the OKCupid guy to throw an arrow up my @$$. I’d kick the sh^t out of him so fast he wouldn’t have time to set his arrow.

Adam

MAN: Hey, girl. You cute. I’d like to spend time with you. WOMAN: I need a strong man like...

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 00:02:14 -0400

MAN: Hey, girl. You cute. I’d like to spend time with you.

WOMAN: I need a strong man like you.

MAN: Come on, I’ll take you to my place.

WOMAN: Ah no, that’s ok. I have to go to the bathroom.

This is a real life conversation I heard at a park. The man was BBQing and the woman was selling flowers. These people suck at flirting.

I like krumping to Juvenile in my free time.

Wed, 16 May 2012 23:55:43 -0400

I like krumping to Juvenile in my free time.

I love musicians that embody their songs, and then the acting...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:26:02 -0400

I love musicians that embody their songs, and then the acting ends up being excellent. Plus, the dude has the most interesting mouth I’ve ever seen.

"That girl is so weird. Like not weird as in she says random things and likes weird flavors of ice..."

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 22:01:55 -0400

“That girl is so weird. Like not weird as in she says random things and likes weird flavors of ice cream. But weird like, she might start peeing on the bus and think it’s okay.”

- Me, talking about a weird girl.

If you feel you have lost your passion, you will find it again...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:20:29 -0400

If you feel you have lost your passion, you will find it again in this song.

This song is bliss. “Forbidden Friendship” is my...

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:21:17 -0400

This song is bliss. “Forbidden Friendship” is my favorite track from the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack.

I do not own the rights to this song, but I do own the right to share John Powell’s academy award nominated score.

I have always wanted to be a singer, but it has taken me a long...

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 00:57:00 -0400

I have always wanted to be a singer, but it has taken me a long time to gather enough courage to share my voice with the world. This is my first professional recording and I decided to do a cover of a song from the singer that exerts pure vocal perfection: Adele.

I found the instrumental music on a karaoke CD and there is one karaoke sounding moment where you hear a woman’s backup vocal, and I’d prefer this woman’s voice not to be there, but I couldn’t edit her out. Other than that I am happy with this track.

This song means a lot to me, and I hope I did it justice. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this song on my very first recording…but I just had to.

I hope you like it!

“You know how the time flies, Only yesterday was the time of our lives…”

I started writing messages to a girl from an online dating website. Her profile said she is...

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 23:04:00 -0500

I started writing messages to a girl from an online dating website. Her profile said she is attracted to lumberjack types. The first thing I said to myself was, “Chicago must be the worst place to live. Why do you live here?” Then I thought, “Well, it must be hard for her to find someone to date, and so that is why she has an online dating profile.” I thought she was very cute, but I knew she wouldn’t be attracted to me because I’m more of a Bugs Bunny type. Skinny, tall, awkward, neurotic, and I can’t even grow facial hair, or carry an axe because it’s too heavy for my arms. So, I wrote her a joke with the main character as the lumberjack. This is my joke:

A lumberjack walks into a bar with an axe and says to the bartender, “I’ll take a beer.” The woman sitting at the bar turns to him and says, “Nice axe.” The lumberjack replies, “No, it’s Burberry but thanks for the compliment.”

This joke achieves three things. First, that I understand lumberjack feelings. Second, I probably made her laugh. And third, it shows I have great taste in colognes.

I hope to hear back from her.

ONE HEADLIGHT. OK!? All you need is one headlight. Two is like, “Hey guys, look at me....

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:57:16 -0500

ONE HEADLIGHT. OK!? All you need is one headlight. Two is like, “Hey guys, look at me. I’m drivin’ a car. Look at all my metal.” Yes, I’m a motorcycle enthusiast. Vrrrrooom vrooom, and boom boom.

This guy teaches you how to play the theremin.

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 01:53:14 -0400

This guy teaches you how to play the theremin.

It’s been a long time since my last post because...

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 00:45:39 -0400

It’s been a long time since my last post because I’ve been searching like mad to find this song.

You’ll never know who I am. Hide your kids.

Sat, 28 May 2011 16:46:03 -0400

You’ll never know who I am. Hide your kids.

He can drink water from an elephant’s trunk and still date women, he is the most interesting...

Fri, 27 May 2011 13:49:21 -0400

He can drink water from an elephant’s trunk and still date women, he is the most interesting man.

Buying a new pair of glasses is stressful because you have to decide what you want to look like for...

Fri, 27 May 2011 13:46:29 -0400

Buying a new pair of glasses is stressful because you have to decide what you want to look like for the next 3 years.

A fake smile is like throwing all of the empty pop cans and beer bottles into the garbage can, it is...

Thu, 26 May 2011 01:07:52 -0400

A fake smile is like throwing all of the empty pop cans and beer bottles into the garbage can, it is bad for the environment.

Conversation On L

Mon, 23 May 2011 16:55:04 -0400

Toddler: Eight-Six, Eighty-Seven, Eighty-Eight, Eight-Nine, uhmmmm....
Mother: One Hundred.

INTER-MISSION!

Sun, 22 May 2011 16:16:18 -0400

INTER-MISSION!

The latch on my roof escape was rusted shut. Looks like I’m stuck on Earth.

Sun, 22 May 2011 02:31:08 -0400

The latch on my roof escape was rusted shut. Looks like I’m stuck on Earth.

Look at all of those smiling faces!

Sat, 21 May 2011 01:41:55 -0400

Look at all of those smiling faces!